6:20 PM / Tuesday, June 2, 2009
WARNING WARNING! THE FOLLOWING IS A MESSAGE FROM THE PENTAGON.Dear citizens of the world.
It has come to the pentagon's attention that a large group of russian (yeah we won't spell your country with a capital) crabs have been assembling approximately 75 clicks north of India.
The pentagon has taken on the plan to leave India to be taken over if need be. This is a necessary step so we can isolate the crabs and stop their invasion.
Steps are being made to create a 'crab flu' but is currently unsuccessful. But do not be alarmed. If you see a suspicious crab/crab person, call your local authorities and they will deal with the problem.
Only YOU can prevent to spread of russian crabs (the animal, not the parasite).
Your sincerialy
The pentagon