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Welcome to Chris and Quang's Blog. Happy Algorasming.
Quang
is
the
Best
algorasm: n. (Origin: blend of algorithm + orgasm) A sudden, short-lived moment of pleasure enjoyed by the programmer when the final kludge rings the bell.
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Chris: Hey, do you want to go to the Food Court?
Quang: Why would I want to go to the Food court? There isn’t anyone serving.
Chris: Exactly, no one can stop us! It’s an all you can eat buffet! Quang? Quang? Where are you?
Quang: I’m getting there before you bitch!
Chris: Darn you, darn you all to heck!
(Chris and Quang sprint to the Food Court and ate as much as they could)
Chris: Hey, who are those two people?
Quang: Well obviously they are the two women that ‘God’ told us about. I guess it’s up to us to try to get into their pants.
(Chris and Quang fix their pants and begin to walk towards them. The two women see them and get up to. They begin to walk towards them, although the song ‘Girlfriend’ by the Pussy Cat Dolls began to play. Chris and Quang stand motionless. The women then slowly walked sexier until they got so close that Chris and Quang ran off into the toilets)
Chris: Ah, that felt good, I mean, come on Quang, we need to persuade them.
Quang: I think they just persuaded us.
Chris: Well let’s persuade them like they persuaded us.
(Chris and Quang walk out of the toilets with the same song going. They try to look sexy but just look like a couple of gumps. Chris trips on a chair and gets covered in mayonnaise. Quang makes it to the women but slips on the slowly growing puddle of mayonnaise)
Eunice: Omg, what geeks. Come on Jessica lets go.
Jessica: Where are we?
Eunice: We’re in a food court.
Jessica: Oh. What’s a food court?
Eunice: What? Let’s just leave.
(The two women leave)
Chris: Bloody hell Quang, you made me look bad.
Quang: Ha ha, ha ha, that was pretty cool though.
Chris: No it wasn’t, now we are further away from getting some.
Quang: Oh yea. So, what do you want to do now?
Chris: I guess we should go find them again and show them how manly we are.
Quang: Yea, and we should get some swords, and fight and stuff. And then I can kill you and win their hearts.
(Chris slaps Quang)
Chris: You friken idiot. There are two women; you can only marry one of them.
Quang: Oh yea. Well I think we should still get some swords and stuff.
Chris: Yea, we can look like gladiators. Don’t all women like gladiators?
Quang: Yea. Wait, what are gladiators?
Chris: Um……..um………what?
(Chris and Quang walk off confused but with a goal. They eventually find a sword shop which spontaneously appeared)
Quang: Hey Chris, check out this mace.
(Quang twirls the mace and hits Chris in the back of the head)
Chris: What the hell you idiot. Only get swords and Shields. Oh, and find if there are any helms. I want to look like a medieval warrior.
Quang: Hey, why can’t I look like a medieval warrior?
Chris: Well, one of us to win.
Quang: Oh yea.
(Chris and Quang look through the shop and get all the things they need. They then set off to find the women)
Eunice: When God told us that they were going to be a bit strange, I didn’t think that he meant that they were going to be complete retards.
Jessica: What’s a retard?
Eunice: …. Why did you have to make a blonde God?
Jessica: Anyway, shouldn’t we like, you know, find them and get it over with? Because I’ve got to straighten my hair and foils take some time and…
Eunice: Listen woman, no-one cares about your hair.
Jessica: That’s because there isn’t anyone here. And I thought I was stupid.
Eunice: Whatever. Anyway, I hope they don’t true to impress us with some stupid act.
(Just after Eunice had spoken these words, Chris and Quang walk around the corner wearing a poorly fitted suit of armor and a sword and shield. Chris is also wearing a helm)
Chris: Hear not, beautiful ladies, we are here to rescue you fr…
(Chris trips on his own foot and falls head first into the ground)
Quang: Ha ha, good one Chris. So much for your talk about tripping ov…
(Quang trips over a now semi-conscious Chris)
Eunice: And I thought it couldn’t get any worse.
Chris: Do…you…have…and…ice…pack…?
Jessica: What? I don’t sell drugs.
Chris: No you idiot, an icepack for my head.
Jessica: Oh, for your head. I don’t see one around here.
Quang: Get up Chris, you touching my ass.
Chris: Shut up you idiot. How can I be touching your ass? It’s solid metal.
Quang: Oh yea, right. I guess then it’s me.
(Chris and Quang slowly get up. Realising where they were, they immediately began to pose with their swords and shields)
Chris: I challenge you Quang to a duel for the heart of one of the women.
(Quang balances himself on his sword touching the ground)
Quang: Wait, why does it matter who you want to pick, we aren’t the ones making the babies.
Eunice: Quang is strangely right.
Quang: Yes, score one for Quang. I mean, yea Chris, what’s the po…
(Chris suddenly attack Quang and hits him in the head knocking him to the floor)
Chris: Aha, you see ladies, I’m all man. You don’t nee... whoa.
(Quang trips Chris and Chris lands on his knee)
Chris: Friken idiot. Now look what you’ve done. I think I bruised my knee. How does it look?
Quang: It’s ok. It doesn’t look too bad. I think your head broke the fall.
Chris: Oh good, I though I was in some serious trouble there.
(Eunice looks at Jessica like she is saying wtf. Jessica is staring blankly into the air thinking about her hair)
Chris: Wait, quickly Quang. We need to execute plan B.
Quang: Ok. Wait, what’s plan B?
Chris: Shut up and follow my lead.
(Chris walks over to Eunice)
Narrator: “It is advised that those disgusted with a lot of suss are advised to leave immediately”.
Chris: Hey there, is that a mirror in your pocket?
Eunice: What?
Chris: Cause I can see myself in your pants.
(Eunice slaps the shit out of Chris. Chris is now lying motionless on the floor. Quang walks up to Jessica)
Quang: Is that a roll of quarters in your pocket or are you happy to see me?
(A long pause)
Jessica: I’m sorry I wasn’t listening. What did you say?
Quang: Um… If I could rearrange the alphabet. I would put U and I together.
(After thinking about it for a while, Jessica replies)
Jessica: But U and I are already together silly.
(Even longer pause)
Eunice: Just slap him.
(Jessica slaps Quang. Now both Chris and Quang are lying motionless on the floor)
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8:21 PM / Sunday, September 6, 2009
Narrator: “Because there are only 4 people on Earth at that moment, there were no people in there, well, that’s what Chris and Quang thought.”Chris: Hey, do you want to go to the Food Court?
Quang: Why would I want to go to the Food court? There isn’t anyone serving.
Chris: Exactly, no one can stop us! It’s an all you can eat buffet! Quang? Quang? Where are you?
Quang: I’m getting there before you bitch!
Chris: Darn you, darn you all to heck!
(Chris and Quang sprint to the Food Court and ate as much as they could)
Chris: Hey, who are those two people?
Quang: Well obviously they are the two women that ‘God’ told us about. I guess it’s up to us to try to get into their pants.
(Chris and Quang fix their pants and begin to walk towards them. The two women see them and get up to. They begin to walk towards them, although the song ‘Girlfriend’ by the Pussy Cat Dolls began to play. Chris and Quang stand motionless. The women then slowly walked sexier until they got so close that Chris and Quang ran off into the toilets)
Chris: Ah, that felt good, I mean, come on Quang, we need to persuade them.
Quang: I think they just persuaded us.
Chris: Well let’s persuade them like they persuaded us.
(Chris and Quang walk out of the toilets with the same song going. They try to look sexy but just look like a couple of gumps. Chris trips on a chair and gets covered in mayonnaise. Quang makes it to the women but slips on the slowly growing puddle of mayonnaise)
Eunice: Omg, what geeks. Come on Jessica lets go.
Jessica: Where are we?
Eunice: We’re in a food court.
Jessica: Oh. What’s a food court?
Eunice: What? Let’s just leave.
(The two women leave)
Chris: Bloody hell Quang, you made me look bad.
Quang: Ha ha, ha ha, that was pretty cool though.
Chris: No it wasn’t, now we are further away from getting some.
Quang: Oh yea. So, what do you want to do now?
Chris: I guess we should go find them again and show them how manly we are.
Quang: Yea, and we should get some swords, and fight and stuff. And then I can kill you and win their hearts.
(Chris slaps Quang)
Chris: You friken idiot. There are two women; you can only marry one of them.
Quang: Oh yea. Well I think we should still get some swords and stuff.
Chris: Yea, we can look like gladiators. Don’t all women like gladiators?
Quang: Yea. Wait, what are gladiators?
Chris: Um……..um………what?
(Chris and Quang walk off confused but with a goal. They eventually find a sword shop which spontaneously appeared)
Quang: Hey Chris, check out this mace.
(Quang twirls the mace and hits Chris in the back of the head)
Chris: What the hell you idiot. Only get swords and Shields. Oh, and find if there are any helms. I want to look like a medieval warrior.
Quang: Hey, why can’t I look like a medieval warrior?
Chris: Well, one of us to win.
Quang: Oh yea.
(Chris and Quang look through the shop and get all the things they need. They then set off to find the women)
Eunice: When God told us that they were going to be a bit strange, I didn’t think that he meant that they were going to be complete retards.
Jessica: What’s a retard?
Eunice: …. Why did you have to make a blonde God?
Jessica: Anyway, shouldn’t we like, you know, find them and get it over with? Because I’ve got to straighten my hair and foils take some time and…
Eunice: Listen woman, no-one cares about your hair.
Jessica: That’s because there isn’t anyone here. And I thought I was stupid.
Eunice: Whatever. Anyway, I hope they don’t true to impress us with some stupid act.
(Just after Eunice had spoken these words, Chris and Quang walk around the corner wearing a poorly fitted suit of armor and a sword and shield. Chris is also wearing a helm)
Chris: Hear not, beautiful ladies, we are here to rescue you fr…
(Chris trips on his own foot and falls head first into the ground)
Quang: Ha ha, good one Chris. So much for your talk about tripping ov…
(Quang trips over a now semi-conscious Chris)
Eunice: And I thought it couldn’t get any worse.
Chris: Do…you…have…and…ice…pack…?
Jessica: What? I don’t sell drugs.
Chris: No you idiot, an icepack for my head.
Jessica: Oh, for your head. I don’t see one around here.
Quang: Get up Chris, you touching my ass.
Chris: Shut up you idiot. How can I be touching your ass? It’s solid metal.
Quang: Oh yea, right. I guess then it’s me.
(Chris and Quang slowly get up. Realising where they were, they immediately began to pose with their swords and shields)
Chris: I challenge you Quang to a duel for the heart of one of the women.
(Quang balances himself on his sword touching the ground)
Quang: Wait, why does it matter who you want to pick, we aren’t the ones making the babies.
Eunice: Quang is strangely right.
Quang: Yes, score one for Quang. I mean, yea Chris, what’s the po…
(Chris suddenly attack Quang and hits him in the head knocking him to the floor)
Chris: Aha, you see ladies, I’m all man. You don’t nee... whoa.
(Quang trips Chris and Chris lands on his knee)
Chris: Friken idiot. Now look what you’ve done. I think I bruised my knee. How does it look?
Quang: It’s ok. It doesn’t look too bad. I think your head broke the fall.
Chris: Oh good, I though I was in some serious trouble there.
(Eunice looks at Jessica like she is saying wtf. Jessica is staring blankly into the air thinking about her hair)
Chris: Wait, quickly Quang. We need to execute plan B.
Quang: Ok. Wait, what’s plan B?
Chris: Shut up and follow my lead.
(Chris walks over to Eunice)
Narrator: “It is advised that those disgusted with a lot of suss are advised to leave immediately”.
Chris: Hey there, is that a mirror in your pocket?
Eunice: What?
Chris: Cause I can see myself in your pants.
(Eunice slaps the shit out of Chris. Chris is now lying motionless on the floor. Quang walks up to Jessica)
Quang: Is that a roll of quarters in your pocket or are you happy to see me?
(A long pause)
Jessica: I’m sorry I wasn’t listening. What did you say?
Quang: Um… If I could rearrange the alphabet. I would put U and I together.
(After thinking about it for a while, Jessica replies)
Jessica: But U and I are already together silly.
(Even longer pause)
Eunice: Just slap him.
(Jessica slaps Quang. Now both Chris and Quang are lying motionless on the floor)